In 1987, I had an anaphylactic shock reaction to a yellow jacket sting. My family was concerned about my safety on frequent camping trips, so in 1988 I went to a large university teaching hospital's immunization clinic for desensitization. I became ill during initial tests of sensitivity, and felt more and more ill as desensitization proceeded, with increasing doses of hymenoptera venom. The clinic assured me "You are just afraid of shots." Symptoms did not subside, but came increasingly severe. I eventually withdrew from immunization, and found myself with severe atopic allergies, fibromyalgia, chemical sensitivity, chronic fatigue, and environmental illness.

Everything physicians did for me seemed to make me worse. I was hospitalized with what was diagnosed as a "lupus-like disorder" and put on multiple medications. My condition continued to deteriorate. I was in constant pain, could not lift a milk bottle or pan of water, could not fasten a seat belt, could not sleep. I had no energy, and could not sit up for more than 30-40 minutes. I was sensitive to sunlight, and my face, hands, and feet would become so swollen if I went outside that people became afraid. A physician told me I had an unknown degenerative disorder. I was probably going to die.

A friend suggested I try acupuncture and Chinese herbs. I experienced relief, for the first time, and was able to sleep for a few hours.

My son's girlfriend came every Sunday, bought strange organic vegetables, and made me wonderful soups and stews. Every Sunday and Sunday night, I was pain free and slept well. Monday I went back to my fast food diet, and pain, weakness, and insomnia returned. I had completed a Ph.D. in clinical psychology from a clinical research program at Northwestern University prior to becoming ill. After 5-6 weeks of this alternating feeling better and feeling worse (a classic ABAB research design), it occurred that I could go to the health food store, buy strange organic vegatables, and make myself organic soups and stews. This was the beginning of healing. Hidden-veggie recipes came into being as I discovered I could not chew vegetables when stressed or not feeling well. I had children to feed, who refused to eat most vegetables, particularly strange ones. And I began cooking for patients with difficulty swallowing and eating due to immunological disorder and trauma.

So I didn't die. Instead, I continued acupuncture and herbs and cooking with organic foods. Another clue came when a friend took me to a 10-day silent meditation retreat. We needed a wheelchair to get me through the airport that first time. I discovered that every time I went into silence, I got stronger. I went 3-4 times a year, and gradually changed my home and my life into a silent retreat space that has been necessary for my healing.

In recent years, I have come to understand that as a result of adverse reaction to medical immunization, I developed a toxic disorder. I began reacting to preservatives and petroleum-derivatives in all the substances I came into contact with. This was extremely frightening and debilitating. However, in retrospect, it is also extremely interesting. Pain was a powerful teacher. My immune system was a powerful teacher. My body became a toxicity meter, and I came to understand many things about toxicity in the environment and how to protect myself from toxins.

This book is written in the hope that others may experience less pain and recover sooner. Better yet, may we learn to protect ourselves and our loved ones from toxins, and may we teach our children how to protect themselves, live well, and decrease toxicity in our world.